What in the world is so appealing about chain letters? At the best, they are slightly cute or touching, but most people who receive chain emails end up just deleting them without reading them. However, the downside of those chain emails is huge.
Even without any of the hidden dangers of email, chain emails take up enormous amounts of space and bandwidth on the internet that could be used for other things. Ever have an email that takes a day or two to get from point A to point B? Spam emails and chain letters are the reason. Servers can only handle so much data at a time, so when there's a flood of email coming in or going out, that server has to process all of that information in sequence. Of course, if we didn't have so much spam, this wouldn't be a problem, right? So why can't we do anything about the amount of spam we are receiving? That's right - chain letters.
While chain letters can't be blamed for all spam, they can be blamed for a significant chunk of it. Spammers get email addresses to send spam to by harvesting email addresses from websites and distribution lists. However, why should they worry about doing the work when so many people are willing to do the work for them? Every time that you forward an email, all of the emails that it was sent to before are included in the email that you send. While that usually doesn't mean much, forward an email a dozen times and you have a list of hundreds of emails if not thousands. More than likely, that email will be forwarded to a spammer or someone who will take that list and sell those emails to a spammer.
That's not the only danger though. While many chain letters are started with innocent intentions, some are not. Every time that a cute picture or sound file is attached to an email, it is an opportunity to hide malicious code that can destroy your files, fill your computer with junk, turn your computer into a zombie slave distributing spam, steal your personal information, or a number of other creative ways to mess up your day.
So next time that you get a cute forward, don't send it on. If you want to share it, that's fine; print it out or show someone on your own computer. Don't spread the infection.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Monday, July 20, 2009
Monday, November 3, 2008
A Revolution Must be Had
I was talking with Scotty last night about our friends from back in Troy. After spending a while reminiscing about just what we missed about those friends, we quickly came to the same conclusion; there is something wrong with the world.
I've been feeling really frustrated ever since the beginning of this weekend and I couldn't exactly put my finger on why. All I knew was that I kept ending up sitting in corners, observing my friends, not really interacting or talking with anyone (and not really wanting to), and just feeling incredibly annoyed. After a while, I decided that I needed to be done with that, so I got drunk as fast as I could without vomiting.
After talking with Scotty, I think I figured out why. Most of my friends here are self absorbed, self interested, and too willing to get upset with each other over little things that don't matter. I won't name names, but its not necessary since it applies to roughly half of them and who does it doesn't really matter; the fact that a majority of my friends are like this is what matters.
Who am I really surrounding myself with? All of this idiotic infighting and self-contained drama is ridiculous. Back home, there was just as much shit that went down, probably even more since we dated within the group excessively. However, we never lingered on it as much as happens here. We never let it split us and divide us into little factions competing for turf.
I think that a major difference which helped a lot back home was that the group was not formed first. Instead, each one of us became friends with the others because we saw them all of the time in classes and in the hallways. We would introduce one person to another person, not one person to the entire group. This allowed for the creation of a much more real dynamic than the Metagamers could ever have. Our friendships were genuine and not formed over a common interest other than our genuine interest in each other. Instead of competing with each other for the attention of a few, we became like kin towards each other, bonded and backed by blood. This ridiculous competition for attention that the Carpé Nocten group has is retarded.
The other, more obvious, thing that the Family had over the Carpé Noctem group is the fact that its members were much more interested in the important things in life. Not a day went by where we didn't discuss philosophy, come up with some grand scheme, or talk about the problems of the world. Maybe this sounds hypocritical since I hate discussing politics with the Carpé Noctem group, but when politics are discussed by them, it is rarely ever a discussion. It's usually an argument and a dick slapping contest and nothing more. I hate it so much. Renny and I discuss politics quite a bit relatively, but that's because I feel like things actually get discussed. The finer details are brought up, both sides are critiqued, and I actually feel like I am thinking more.
Anyway, all of this discussion and thinking with Scotty led us to a conclusion: a revolution must be had. People must be brought above their petty arguments and differences and band together for the good of the world. Philosophy and other intellectual topics must be discussed. Hedonism and Egocentrism needs to be crushed. Stupidity cannot be tolerated and must need be punished. We are all of the same cut, the same flesh, and most act for one another, not ourselves.
I've been feeling really frustrated ever since the beginning of this weekend and I couldn't exactly put my finger on why. All I knew was that I kept ending up sitting in corners, observing my friends, not really interacting or talking with anyone (and not really wanting to), and just feeling incredibly annoyed. After a while, I decided that I needed to be done with that, so I got drunk as fast as I could without vomiting.
After talking with Scotty, I think I figured out why. Most of my friends here are self absorbed, self interested, and too willing to get upset with each other over little things that don't matter. I won't name names, but its not necessary since it applies to roughly half of them and who does it doesn't really matter; the fact that a majority of my friends are like this is what matters.
Who am I really surrounding myself with? All of this idiotic infighting and self-contained drama is ridiculous. Back home, there was just as much shit that went down, probably even more since we dated within the group excessively. However, we never lingered on it as much as happens here. We never let it split us and divide us into little factions competing for turf.
I think that a major difference which helped a lot back home was that the group was not formed first. Instead, each one of us became friends with the others because we saw them all of the time in classes and in the hallways. We would introduce one person to another person, not one person to the entire group. This allowed for the creation of a much more real dynamic than the Metagamers could ever have. Our friendships were genuine and not formed over a common interest other than our genuine interest in each other. Instead of competing with each other for the attention of a few, we became like kin towards each other, bonded and backed by blood. This ridiculous competition for attention that the Carpé Nocten group has is retarded.
The other, more obvious, thing that the Family had over the Carpé Noctem group is the fact that its members were much more interested in the important things in life. Not a day went by where we didn't discuss philosophy, come up with some grand scheme, or talk about the problems of the world. Maybe this sounds hypocritical since I hate discussing politics with the Carpé Noctem group, but when politics are discussed by them, it is rarely ever a discussion. It's usually an argument and a dick slapping contest and nothing more. I hate it so much. Renny and I discuss politics quite a bit relatively, but that's because I feel like things actually get discussed. The finer details are brought up, both sides are critiqued, and I actually feel like I am thinking more.
Anyway, all of this discussion and thinking with Scotty led us to a conclusion: a revolution must be had. People must be brought above their petty arguments and differences and band together for the good of the world. Philosophy and other intellectual topics must be discussed. Hedonism and Egocentrism needs to be crushed. Stupidity cannot be tolerated and must need be punished. We are all of the same cut, the same flesh, and most act for one another, not ourselves.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Dear Closet Nerds,
What the fuck is your problem?
For a long while, the only true closet nerd that I knew was Crap who would twitch and panic if you even hinted at a relationship between him and the Metagamers while in public. He was really ashamed of being a gamer even though he was one of the most involved gamers that I've ever known. After a bit of a snafu with him and I meeting at a What You Will play and me exposing him as a nerd to them and then exposing every other member of the play as a nerd as well, I thought he had gotten better about the whole being a nerd thing. Well, Crap and I had an online interaction last night that proves otherwise.
Crap is no longer the only closet nerd that I know of now though. I have a coworker who is very much the same way except that it goes so far that although he has nerdy impulses and enjoys nerdy things, he is so ashamed of his own nerdiness that he won't even allow himself to indulge in that nerdiness, even in private.
So I want to ask all of you closet nerds out there, what's the big deal? I can see being ashamed of Larping, but only because of its traditional social stimatization, not anything else. After all, Larp is basically expanded improvisational acting with a rule system behind it, acting out a story that cannot be told in only one evening. Sure, it's like a giant game of Make-Believe, but so is any form of acting or writing. Only here, you get a bigger say in what happens with the story while still working with others.
If it was tabletop roleplaying, I would understand being ashamed of easier. After all, the stereotype for tabletop is a goup of nerds sitting around in someone's basement, being slobs, rolling dice, and doing math to pretend that they are wizards, thiefs, and warriors playing out high fantasy. Since a lot of tabletop is DnD, that stereotype is unfortunately fairly accurate. However, it's not always the case.
But I don't see what is so wrong to be a nerd in general. True, a lot of nerds are completely socially inept, but this isn't a product of being a nerd, but rather a seperate trait all in itself. Being a nerd just means that you are intelligent, usually academically. That should be something revered, not scorned. We need more super intelligent people in this world, not less. We should just be encouraging the development of social skills as well. One could argue that Larp does this since the Larp group socializes a ton outside of game. No, it's not very efficient, but its something.
Back in high school, we read a study that wanted to know whether the stereotype about the icompatability of intelligence and social skills was well founded. I don't remember much about the study, but I do remember the general conclusion it had. It said that beauty, brawn, social prowess, and intelligence were often linked togetherand directly proportional instead of inversely so. This seemed to be an obvious thing as all of our best atheletes were also our valadictorians and were friends of mine in my honors classes.
It was only once I reached here that the stereotype seemed to hold up to scrutiny. I was very confused and decided to observe and see if I could determine the reason. What I found out was that the same phenominon that happened in my high school happened to the same extent here, but with one additional factor. Since we were such a high quality school, specialists in a certain field, whether it would be sports or academics, from all over the country would gather together in one place and be more promenant than those who were just fairly good at everything. In fact, since those who weren't quite as good at everything couldn't even get in to this school, it was primarily the specialists and the jack-of-all-trades that made up the student body here. Therefore, those who were fairly good at everything became "average" instead of being praised for excelling as they were used to because no matter what they participated in, there were specialists there who were better at it.
What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with being a nerd, especially if you are also atheletic and a social butterfly. Why should there be? In fact, it should be a blessing to be a nerd, to be able to think creatively, do math well, and enjoy thinking. It's an advantage that you have over people who are not so blessed. Why shouldn't you revel in it? Why would you be ashamed of it?
For a long while, the only true closet nerd that I knew was Crap who would twitch and panic if you even hinted at a relationship between him and the Metagamers while in public. He was really ashamed of being a gamer even though he was one of the most involved gamers that I've ever known. After a bit of a snafu with him and I meeting at a What You Will play and me exposing him as a nerd to them and then exposing every other member of the play as a nerd as well, I thought he had gotten better about the whole being a nerd thing. Well, Crap and I had an online interaction last night that proves otherwise.
Crap is no longer the only closet nerd that I know of now though. I have a coworker who is very much the same way except that it goes so far that although he has nerdy impulses and enjoys nerdy things, he is so ashamed of his own nerdiness that he won't even allow himself to indulge in that nerdiness, even in private.
So I want to ask all of you closet nerds out there, what's the big deal? I can see being ashamed of Larping, but only because of its traditional social stimatization, not anything else. After all, Larp is basically expanded improvisational acting with a rule system behind it, acting out a story that cannot be told in only one evening. Sure, it's like a giant game of Make-Believe, but so is any form of acting or writing. Only here, you get a bigger say in what happens with the story while still working with others.
If it was tabletop roleplaying, I would understand being ashamed of easier. After all, the stereotype for tabletop is a goup of nerds sitting around in someone's basement, being slobs, rolling dice, and doing math to pretend that they are wizards, thiefs, and warriors playing out high fantasy. Since a lot of tabletop is DnD, that stereotype is unfortunately fairly accurate. However, it's not always the case.
But I don't see what is so wrong to be a nerd in general. True, a lot of nerds are completely socially inept, but this isn't a product of being a nerd, but rather a seperate trait all in itself. Being a nerd just means that you are intelligent, usually academically. That should be something revered, not scorned. We need more super intelligent people in this world, not less. We should just be encouraging the development of social skills as well. One could argue that Larp does this since the Larp group socializes a ton outside of game. No, it's not very efficient, but its something.
Back in high school, we read a study that wanted to know whether the stereotype about the icompatability of intelligence and social skills was well founded. I don't remember much about the study, but I do remember the general conclusion it had. It said that beauty, brawn, social prowess, and intelligence were often linked togetherand directly proportional instead of inversely so. This seemed to be an obvious thing as all of our best atheletes were also our valadictorians and were friends of mine in my honors classes.
It was only once I reached here that the stereotype seemed to hold up to scrutiny. I was very confused and decided to observe and see if I could determine the reason. What I found out was that the same phenominon that happened in my high school happened to the same extent here, but with one additional factor. Since we were such a high quality school, specialists in a certain field, whether it would be sports or academics, from all over the country would gather together in one place and be more promenant than those who were just fairly good at everything. In fact, since those who weren't quite as good at everything couldn't even get in to this school, it was primarily the specialists and the jack-of-all-trades that made up the student body here. Therefore, those who were fairly good at everything became "average" instead of being praised for excelling as they were used to because no matter what they participated in, there were specialists there who were better at it.
What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with being a nerd, especially if you are also atheletic and a social butterfly. Why should there be? In fact, it should be a blessing to be a nerd, to be able to think creatively, do math well, and enjoy thinking. It's an advantage that you have over people who are not so blessed. Why shouldn't you revel in it? Why would you be ashamed of it?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Epic Weekend.
So, this weekend was incredibly Epic, mostly Epic fail. Let me recount it to you in backwards order as tonight's failure was the most Epic and clearest in my mind.First of all, I thought that this week was actually next week and therefore thought that I had an additional paper and project due in the next three days on top of my paper and exam on Tuesday. I appropriately freaked out and tried to figure out how I was going to stay awake for seventy-two hours in order to complete all of the work I needed to finish. I felt like such a fool when I realized my temporal error.
However, thinking that it was next week already caused me to check my DARS audit to see where I was towards graduation just to double-check and make sure that I was on track. I found out that I am definitely not on track like I thought I was an actually screwed up really bad by taking a philosophy 300 course instead of a Literature 300 course this semester. So in order to graduate on time, I have to take eighteen hours next semester instead of the expected twelve. However, I was able to plan out my schedule so that since I will be able to register before most people, I will get the classes I want (including a Sci-Fi lit class and a Fantasy Lit class) which I planned to have all lumped together, so I may actually end up with more free time than I ever did even taking twelve hours of classes. To make it all work though, I'm going to have to get permission to do CW 455, independent study. Pro: means I might actually be published by the time I graduate. Con: It will take a LOT of work.
I didn't get invited to the shindig at Narnia House this Saturday. I actually wasn't expecting to since Katie was down and I also still don't feel quite integrated into the group yet, but it was still kind of disappointing. Sarah constantly complains on how she misses out on everything, but I don't think she realizes just how much she doesn't miss out on. She should look at things from my point of view just to be able to see what she is a part of that I seemingly can't be.
Don't take my subtle frustration as a lamentation however. Although I feel very left out of the loop, the Carpé Noctem social group is not my everything. I would have liked it to be a bigger part of my life than it is, but c'est la vie. Instead, it seems as though I am creating a social group of my own of people who are more like-minded to me.
Which brings me to the point of my weekend that was Epic Win. Since I didn't get invited to either of the parties that were happening on Saturday, I hung out at Game Night with the usuals. I ended up talking to Matt quite a bit and after Game Night let out, we went over to his place and talked some more. In fact, we talked until about three in the morning until the point where I could feel my body physically shutting down and I stumbled to the bus to take me home.
It was a really good night and I feel really accomplished. Matt is an amazing person who I wish that I had met much earlier in my collegiate career because I feel like we share so many of the same references at least somewhat. I'm still nowhere near as nerdy as him (or nerdy in the standard way, I should say), but we're both technophiles and mediaphiles which goes a long way. I really think I've made a high quality friend in him, one that I can trust not to ditch me on the side of the curb like I'm so used to from people up here.
Friday night started my weekend of Fail. The tabletop game went really well (extraordinarily so, even) and got done right on time. However, it took us a little while to get going and got caught by a train, so we missed out on the laser light show outing with the rest of the group. Then I was all set to got to the gothabilly show at the Cowboy Monkey, but due to a miscommunication with Lynley (that I won't go into right now) and the 70W Grey not running late on Friday nights, I ended up staying home and going to bed early and pissed off.
Looking back, I guess my weekend really wasn't all that bad. It was incredibly disappointing, but shit happens. The only thing that frustrates me is my schedule for next year, but even that doesn't bother me terribly. It'll be a lot of work, but I might as well leave school with a bang. I'll just have to condition myself so that I actually do work. Guess I better start now.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Let's Have Ourselves a Rant
Ugh, my head is killing me. I don't have a headache, but I can feel my sinus problems developing. I always hate this point because my sinuses just tingle and annoy me and I know that there's nothing I can do to solve it. Not to mention the fact that this means that I will have more advanced sinus problems for at least a week...
Both my parents decided to bail on me for this weekend and now it's only my grandparents coming up to visit me. What the fuck do I do now? At least with my parents coming up, they would take charge of activities and whatnot and I wouldn't be left to entertain. Now I have to find something for my grandparents to do that they will enjoy which is nigh impossible. Most likely they'll want to just sit around my apartment and talk with me (read: complain about shit). I can't think of a worse way to spend my Saturday...
...except maybe to spend it with the one person that I'm constantly fighting with, Katie. Wait, what's that? She's going to be down this weekend? Well, sh*t.
Actually, though I'm not on particularly good terms with Katie, I have been looking forward to her return to see if I get invited to a party over at the Narnia House. I feel that's probably the easiest way to tell if I actually have been incorporated back into the group as it seems. It won't dramatically change anything, but it is something that I've been wanting to know.
Speaking of a return to the group, I have been hanging out with people more often. This past Monday, I went and watched Heroes after work with Ryon and Jon. It was one of the best episodes that I've ever seen and was so wonderful to watch with the two of them. I hope this becomes a weekly activity for me as well as Thursdays.
But this isn't supposed to be a post about good things! Back to Ranting!
I have a meeting with my Modernism teacher tomorrow to discuss why an insipid idiot like him gave my paper a D when it does a much better job of discussing class materials than his lectures do. I am going to try my very best to be civil, but I have enough complaints with him that it's going to be excruciatingly difficult, especially while sick. The Brujah side of me is just itching to get out.
Actually, that's as much of a rant as I have. I mean, I could elaborate on any of these points, but I really don't need to. They're pretty self-explanatory. All of my other classes are doing really well, the games I'm a part of are doing nicely, and I'm making great amounts of headway into the social scene. I don't have too terribly much to complain about.
Both my parents decided to bail on me for this weekend and now it's only my grandparents coming up to visit me. What the fuck do I do now? At least with my parents coming up, they would take charge of activities and whatnot and I wouldn't be left to entertain. Now I have to find something for my grandparents to do that they will enjoy which is nigh impossible. Most likely they'll want to just sit around my apartment and talk with me (read: complain about shit). I can't think of a worse way to spend my Saturday...
...except maybe to spend it with the one person that I'm constantly fighting with, Katie. Wait, what's that? She's going to be down this weekend? Well, sh*t.
Actually, though I'm not on particularly good terms with Katie, I have been looking forward to her return to see if I get invited to a party over at the Narnia House. I feel that's probably the easiest way to tell if I actually have been incorporated back into the group as it seems. It won't dramatically change anything, but it is something that I've been wanting to know.
Speaking of a return to the group, I have been hanging out with people more often. This past Monday, I went and watched Heroes after work with Ryon and Jon. It was one of the best episodes that I've ever seen and was so wonderful to watch with the two of them. I hope this becomes a weekly activity for me as well as Thursdays.
But this isn't supposed to be a post about good things! Back to Ranting!
I have a meeting with my Modernism teacher tomorrow to discuss why an insipid idiot like him gave my paper a D when it does a much better job of discussing class materials than his lectures do. I am going to try my very best to be civil, but I have enough complaints with him that it's going to be excruciatingly difficult, especially while sick. The Brujah side of me is just itching to get out.
Actually, that's as much of a rant as I have. I mean, I could elaborate on any of these points, but I really don't need to. They're pretty self-explanatory. All of my other classes are doing really well, the games I'm a part of are doing nicely, and I'm making great amounts of headway into the social scene. I don't have too terribly much to complain about.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Things I Just Don't Understand
- Why Google AdSense offers Life Insurance on this blog.
- Why more people don't make money with their blogs if they already blog.
- Why the Romance HelpDesk still gets so many hits a day.
- Why my English 441 Teacher Can't Teach a Goddamn Thing to Save his Life
Those were some things that just perplex me and have been on my mind for the past few days. Now I'm going to go to English and try not to punch my teacher in the face.
Pointless
I think I've discovered part of the reason that I keep not doing my homework like I should. I was just reading the Caliph's Design for my British Modernism class and the more I read it, the angrier I got - not because of the content, but because of the class. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be learning in that class what so ever. The teacher doesn't teach so much as ask us questions that are abstract and sit around letting us figure out an intelligible answer while he just tells us that we're wrong or almost right. Quite often, he will let us travel down the discussion path of a conclusion that he considers wrong for fifteen minutes and then tell us that the truth is the complete opposite. Everything we're doing in class, I could do sitting at home in my living room if I was told what books to read and given time to think about them. I can't stand this. I think I'm going to bring this up with the teacher today because I think he's full of shit and I'm not paying so much goddamn money to be taught shit.
At least all of my other classes actually objectively teach me something, even if I have a problem with them as well.
At least all of my other classes actually objectively teach me something, even if I have a problem with them as well.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Chicken Grease and Day Old Pudding
Remember that show that Ryon invited me to go to with him? Well, we went last night (just the two of us) and it was a blast! The main band playing was Southern Culture on the Skids which is a small trashabilly band, I believe. It was the first I ever heard their music and it was so awesome. I don't think that they are the type of band I could listen to a cd of and enjoy though. The live experience is really needed for a band this awesome.
To give you an illustration of what I mean, they have one song called "Day Old Banana Pudding" in which a fan got up on stage and started distributing some homemade day old banana pudding to the band and the crowd. In one of their closing songs, they started throwing KFC chicken out into the crowd. I have never been so happy to be covered in chicken grease.
Besides the sheer awesomeness of the show itself, it was really great to hang out with Ryon and be bonded by a thread of common interest for a change. He seemed to really enjoy how much I was getting into the music and I absolutely loved having his company. All in all, the bonding experience was great and I hope that he starts inviting me out to more shows now that he knows that I get such a thrill from them. Even if he doesn't, I might start making changes to my budget so I can make more shows and actually research who is going to be playing. Man, this is just a repeat of high school - not getting into the music scene until my Senior year. Luckily, this Senior year doesn't have to end since I'm not moving out of the area.
Ryon and I talked quite a bit about my policies on Thursdays and the situation with our social scene. He told me that I'm welcome back to Thursdays at any time and although I'd like to come back, I'm still a bit hesitant, though much less than I was before. Colleen actually approached me under her own initiative at Perkins after the larp and talked to me about me avoiding her which I didn't expect at all. She said that although we'll never be buddy-buddy with one another, that there's no reason we can't be civil towards one another and maintain civil company. I have to admit, she's absolutely right about that. I'm still not comfortable around her, but it's nice to know that she doesn't find it impossible to be near me.
The weirder thing that makes me less hesitant to go back to Thursdays is the fact that when I saw Matt on Saturday Night after the show, he was (or seemed rather convincingly) genuinely friendly towards me, bumping fists with me and talking. He actually even invited me out to the movie that they were going to go see. I considered it, but I wanted time to take in this new data and see what other data presented itself before taking any action, so I turned him down for now, but if Matt actually is starting to have less of a problem with me, I might see about hanging out with that crowd again. His hatred and manipulation was the main reason that I started avoiding that group because it was his version of me that became my reputation.
The thing keeping me hesitant though is Uhl. I am not going to beat around the bush; I despise Uhl. She has taken advantage of my kindness and hospitality and then spit on my honor and to me, there is nothing more vile than spitting on a man's honor. It is because of her that I have the reputation of being lusty, underhanded, deceptive, and the type of man that takes advantage of women. If you know me, you know how true that is.
It is true, I was lusty, yearning for a bit of intimacy from someone, pretty much anyone, but that is as much of her story that is true. I had just broken up up with Kristina not too long before the incident and was getting lonely and bored. I figured that I hadn't given in too much to any vice as of late, so I would indulge my desire for closeness. I had intended to indulge with someone I knew decently well to reduce complications while mutually enjoying ourselves. I wasn't ready for any sort of commitment after having come out of a relationship as horrid as the one with Kristina, but I didn't see any harm in fooling around a bit. Well, the couple of girls that I thought would be interested were unavailable, but Sarah was there and a thought occurred to me - she would be going off to France soon and it might be nice for her to have a little closeness before she left. Even if not, it wouldn't hurt to flirt a bit and offer. After all, I was having fun anyway hanging out with her that night. So I enticed her over to the place I was staying and I laid the situation out in front of her and let her make her own decision. I will not say the outcome, but I'm sure you can guess in general terms.
Well, there must have been some miscommunication (I'm not sure how, but I'll give her the benefit of a doubt on that) because as soon as she left, she regretted her decision, saying that she would never had done anything at all without promise of a relationship and that I had swindled that night away. I will admit, I am a thief and a swindler at times, but to be able to swindle something, you have to think of it as a possession to be had and never in my life have I ever treated romance as a dealing in possessions. I have always fancied myself to one of the great worshippers of the female form, offering my praises in the form of affection. (So I have delusions of Grandeur. There are worse delusions to pursue.) So if you have never understood why I am upset with Uhl, I hope it's clear now.
To make matters worse, Ryon informed me that Uhl got the job at CITES and Spencer has been training her. Actually, it was Spencer who got her the interview as well. Work was my last point of solitude, the last place that I had complete control over. I brought Spencer in as a favor to him and to me. Him, the pay, me the loyal company. Of course, if I wanted someone who shared loyalties with me, I probably could've done better than Spencer since he has this annoying habit of mucking things up, but he's a good guy and decent to be around. Maybe I can get one of my newer compatriots a job there as well to even things out a bit. My sanctuary will remain my sanctuary at all costs. Luckily for now, I don't have to worry about it. Uhl works in the mornings and I work only in the evenings.
I apologize about the length of my rant. I didn't intend for this to be a rant at all, but there's something about thinking about things while watching Sweeney Todd that just lends itself to ranting. Then again, I may have started ranting anyway. There is nothing I dislike so strongly as being misrepresented. Hate me all you like, but hate me for something true. Trust me, there's plenty to hate me for without spinning slander. I'll own up to every last thing.
To give you an illustration of what I mean, they have one song called "Day Old Banana Pudding" in which a fan got up on stage and started distributing some homemade day old banana pudding to the band and the crowd. In one of their closing songs, they started throwing KFC chicken out into the crowd. I have never been so happy to be covered in chicken grease.
Besides the sheer awesomeness of the show itself, it was really great to hang out with Ryon and be bonded by a thread of common interest for a change. He seemed to really enjoy how much I was getting into the music and I absolutely loved having his company. All in all, the bonding experience was great and I hope that he starts inviting me out to more shows now that he knows that I get such a thrill from them. Even if he doesn't, I might start making changes to my budget so I can make more shows and actually research who is going to be playing. Man, this is just a repeat of high school - not getting into the music scene until my Senior year. Luckily, this Senior year doesn't have to end since I'm not moving out of the area.
Ryon and I talked quite a bit about my policies on Thursdays and the situation with our social scene. He told me that I'm welcome back to Thursdays at any time and although I'd like to come back, I'm still a bit hesitant, though much less than I was before. Colleen actually approached me under her own initiative at Perkins after the larp and talked to me about me avoiding her which I didn't expect at all. She said that although we'll never be buddy-buddy with one another, that there's no reason we can't be civil towards one another and maintain civil company. I have to admit, she's absolutely right about that. I'm still not comfortable around her, but it's nice to know that she doesn't find it impossible to be near me.
The weirder thing that makes me less hesitant to go back to Thursdays is the fact that when I saw Matt on Saturday Night after the show, he was (or seemed rather convincingly) genuinely friendly towards me, bumping fists with me and talking. He actually even invited me out to the movie that they were going to go see. I considered it, but I wanted time to take in this new data and see what other data presented itself before taking any action, so I turned him down for now, but if Matt actually is starting to have less of a problem with me, I might see about hanging out with that crowd again. His hatred and manipulation was the main reason that I started avoiding that group because it was his version of me that became my reputation.
The thing keeping me hesitant though is Uhl. I am not going to beat around the bush; I despise Uhl. She has taken advantage of my kindness and hospitality and then spit on my honor and to me, there is nothing more vile than spitting on a man's honor. It is because of her that I have the reputation of being lusty, underhanded, deceptive, and the type of man that takes advantage of women. If you know me, you know how true that is.
It is true, I was lusty, yearning for a bit of intimacy from someone, pretty much anyone, but that is as much of her story that is true. I had just broken up up with Kristina not too long before the incident and was getting lonely and bored. I figured that I hadn't given in too much to any vice as of late, so I would indulge my desire for closeness. I had intended to indulge with someone I knew decently well to reduce complications while mutually enjoying ourselves. I wasn't ready for any sort of commitment after having come out of a relationship as horrid as the one with Kristina, but I didn't see any harm in fooling around a bit. Well, the couple of girls that I thought would be interested were unavailable, but Sarah was there and a thought occurred to me - she would be going off to France soon and it might be nice for her to have a little closeness before she left. Even if not, it wouldn't hurt to flirt a bit and offer. After all, I was having fun anyway hanging out with her that night. So I enticed her over to the place I was staying and I laid the situation out in front of her and let her make her own decision. I will not say the outcome, but I'm sure you can guess in general terms.
Well, there must have been some miscommunication (I'm not sure how, but I'll give her the benefit of a doubt on that) because as soon as she left, she regretted her decision, saying that she would never had done anything at all without promise of a relationship and that I had swindled that night away. I will admit, I am a thief and a swindler at times, but to be able to swindle something, you have to think of it as a possession to be had and never in my life have I ever treated romance as a dealing in possessions. I have always fancied myself to one of the great worshippers of the female form, offering my praises in the form of affection. (So I have delusions of Grandeur. There are worse delusions to pursue.) So if you have never understood why I am upset with Uhl, I hope it's clear now.
To make matters worse, Ryon informed me that Uhl got the job at CITES and Spencer has been training her. Actually, it was Spencer who got her the interview as well. Work was my last point of solitude, the last place that I had complete control over. I brought Spencer in as a favor to him and to me. Him, the pay, me the loyal company. Of course, if I wanted someone who shared loyalties with me, I probably could've done better than Spencer since he has this annoying habit of mucking things up, but he's a good guy and decent to be around. Maybe I can get one of my newer compatriots a job there as well to even things out a bit. My sanctuary will remain my sanctuary at all costs. Luckily for now, I don't have to worry about it. Uhl works in the mornings and I work only in the evenings.
I apologize about the length of my rant. I didn't intend for this to be a rant at all, but there's something about thinking about things while watching Sweeney Todd that just lends itself to ranting. Then again, I may have started ranting anyway. There is nothing I dislike so strongly as being misrepresented. Hate me all you like, but hate me for something true. Trust me, there's plenty to hate me for without spinning slander. I'll own up to every last thing.
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