With this post, I now have exactly the same number of entries on this blog as I did on The Screaming Eye. Unfortunately, I don't even have a fraction of the readership here that it did, but that's to be expected since I rarely give out the URL to this blog. I really feel that because it is written with the concept of me being an outcast in mind, my inner thoughts shouldn't just be given away. But that's neither here nor there and definitely not what I intended to post about.
Actually, my intent to post was very vague. I don't have anything that I really wish to talk about too much. We had the halloween larp last night which was interesting. I wish I could share it with you by just opening my mind and letting the contents pour out because I want to share it with you, but I don't want to go through the effort of talking about it because it was so frustrating to me and my character.
Went over to the Narnia House for the first time Friday night for Jess's Halloween party. It was alright, I guess. I wasn't planning on really drinking too much, but it got to the point where I couldn't understand the people who were drunk and I felt like I constantly had a Colleen look on my face, so I decided to get as drunk as possible without getting sick. That turned out to be a better plan than I expected and I actually enjoyed the rest of an otherwise depressing evening.
I wish I had gotten more pictures of my Halloween costume, but due to a cop asking me to take it off the first time and it being really uncomfortable the second time, I didn't wear it much during Halloween. It's a shame since, although the costume was simple, I put a lot of effort and money into it. The idea behind the costume was lame, I admit it, but I liked it. I was portraying my backup character for the Larp, "Seth." He's a faceless clanless Vampire that whispers all of the time and has a shovel as his preferred weapon.
Next year, I'm going to try and come up with something really surreal so that when people ask me what I am, I can tell them and they will leave confused, but not through obscurity of reference. For example, I thought about getting some nice clothes and splattering them with fake blood and walking around like nothing is amiss then telling people that I am a Kindergarten teacher when people ask me what I am and giving no explaination other than that. Regardless, I want something extremely realistic so that the creep factor does not come from the fantasy element, but the realistic element. Too bad Halloween only comes once a year.
I have more things to post about, but I think I'll hold off until later. Right now, I have a lot on my mind. I also have some pictures from the different events that I need to upload.
Showing posts with label larp. Show all posts
Showing posts with label larp. Show all posts
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Dear Closet Nerds,
What the fuck is your problem?
For a long while, the only true closet nerd that I knew was Crap who would twitch and panic if you even hinted at a relationship between him and the Metagamers while in public. He was really ashamed of being a gamer even though he was one of the most involved gamers that I've ever known. After a bit of a snafu with him and I meeting at a What You Will play and me exposing him as a nerd to them and then exposing every other member of the play as a nerd as well, I thought he had gotten better about the whole being a nerd thing. Well, Crap and I had an online interaction last night that proves otherwise.
Crap is no longer the only closet nerd that I know of now though. I have a coworker who is very much the same way except that it goes so far that although he has nerdy impulses and enjoys nerdy things, he is so ashamed of his own nerdiness that he won't even allow himself to indulge in that nerdiness, even in private.
So I want to ask all of you closet nerds out there, what's the big deal? I can see being ashamed of Larping, but only because of its traditional social stimatization, not anything else. After all, Larp is basically expanded improvisational acting with a rule system behind it, acting out a story that cannot be told in only one evening. Sure, it's like a giant game of Make-Believe, but so is any form of acting or writing. Only here, you get a bigger say in what happens with the story while still working with others.
If it was tabletop roleplaying, I would understand being ashamed of easier. After all, the stereotype for tabletop is a goup of nerds sitting around in someone's basement, being slobs, rolling dice, and doing math to pretend that they are wizards, thiefs, and warriors playing out high fantasy. Since a lot of tabletop is DnD, that stereotype is unfortunately fairly accurate. However, it's not always the case.
But I don't see what is so wrong to be a nerd in general. True, a lot of nerds are completely socially inept, but this isn't a product of being a nerd, but rather a seperate trait all in itself. Being a nerd just means that you are intelligent, usually academically. That should be something revered, not scorned. We need more super intelligent people in this world, not less. We should just be encouraging the development of social skills as well. One could argue that Larp does this since the Larp group socializes a ton outside of game. No, it's not very efficient, but its something.
Back in high school, we read a study that wanted to know whether the stereotype about the icompatability of intelligence and social skills was well founded. I don't remember much about the study, but I do remember the general conclusion it had. It said that beauty, brawn, social prowess, and intelligence were often linked togetherand directly proportional instead of inversely so. This seemed to be an obvious thing as all of our best atheletes were also our valadictorians and were friends of mine in my honors classes.
It was only once I reached here that the stereotype seemed to hold up to scrutiny. I was very confused and decided to observe and see if I could determine the reason. What I found out was that the same phenominon that happened in my high school happened to the same extent here, but with one additional factor. Since we were such a high quality school, specialists in a certain field, whether it would be sports or academics, from all over the country would gather together in one place and be more promenant than those who were just fairly good at everything. In fact, since those who weren't quite as good at everything couldn't even get in to this school, it was primarily the specialists and the jack-of-all-trades that made up the student body here. Therefore, those who were fairly good at everything became "average" instead of being praised for excelling as they were used to because no matter what they participated in, there were specialists there who were better at it.
What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with being a nerd, especially if you are also atheletic and a social butterfly. Why should there be? In fact, it should be a blessing to be a nerd, to be able to think creatively, do math well, and enjoy thinking. It's an advantage that you have over people who are not so blessed. Why shouldn't you revel in it? Why would you be ashamed of it?
For a long while, the only true closet nerd that I knew was Crap who would twitch and panic if you even hinted at a relationship between him and the Metagamers while in public. He was really ashamed of being a gamer even though he was one of the most involved gamers that I've ever known. After a bit of a snafu with him and I meeting at a What You Will play and me exposing him as a nerd to them and then exposing every other member of the play as a nerd as well, I thought he had gotten better about the whole being a nerd thing. Well, Crap and I had an online interaction last night that proves otherwise.
Crap is no longer the only closet nerd that I know of now though. I have a coworker who is very much the same way except that it goes so far that although he has nerdy impulses and enjoys nerdy things, he is so ashamed of his own nerdiness that he won't even allow himself to indulge in that nerdiness, even in private.
So I want to ask all of you closet nerds out there, what's the big deal? I can see being ashamed of Larping, but only because of its traditional social stimatization, not anything else. After all, Larp is basically expanded improvisational acting with a rule system behind it, acting out a story that cannot be told in only one evening. Sure, it's like a giant game of Make-Believe, but so is any form of acting or writing. Only here, you get a bigger say in what happens with the story while still working with others.
If it was tabletop roleplaying, I would understand being ashamed of easier. After all, the stereotype for tabletop is a goup of nerds sitting around in someone's basement, being slobs, rolling dice, and doing math to pretend that they are wizards, thiefs, and warriors playing out high fantasy. Since a lot of tabletop is DnD, that stereotype is unfortunately fairly accurate. However, it's not always the case.
But I don't see what is so wrong to be a nerd in general. True, a lot of nerds are completely socially inept, but this isn't a product of being a nerd, but rather a seperate trait all in itself. Being a nerd just means that you are intelligent, usually academically. That should be something revered, not scorned. We need more super intelligent people in this world, not less. We should just be encouraging the development of social skills as well. One could argue that Larp does this since the Larp group socializes a ton outside of game. No, it's not very efficient, but its something.
Back in high school, we read a study that wanted to know whether the stereotype about the icompatability of intelligence and social skills was well founded. I don't remember much about the study, but I do remember the general conclusion it had. It said that beauty, brawn, social prowess, and intelligence were often linked togetherand directly proportional instead of inversely so. This seemed to be an obvious thing as all of our best atheletes were also our valadictorians and were friends of mine in my honors classes.
It was only once I reached here that the stereotype seemed to hold up to scrutiny. I was very confused and decided to observe and see if I could determine the reason. What I found out was that the same phenominon that happened in my high school happened to the same extent here, but with one additional factor. Since we were such a high quality school, specialists in a certain field, whether it would be sports or academics, from all over the country would gather together in one place and be more promenant than those who were just fairly good at everything. In fact, since those who weren't quite as good at everything couldn't even get in to this school, it was primarily the specialists and the jack-of-all-trades that made up the student body here. Therefore, those who were fairly good at everything became "average" instead of being praised for excelling as they were used to because no matter what they participated in, there were specialists there who were better at it.
What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with being a nerd, especially if you are also atheletic and a social butterfly. Why should there be? In fact, it should be a blessing to be a nerd, to be able to think creatively, do math well, and enjoy thinking. It's an advantage that you have over people who are not so blessed. Why shouldn't you revel in it? Why would you be ashamed of it?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Crazy Weekend (+ Thursday)
Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy doing a crazy little social gig, keeping myself precariously balanced on everyone's good sides (except Katie's, but is that really all that surprising? I thought not.)
Wednesday night, just as I had crawled into bed, Ryon texted me an invite to go to the Man Man show at the Canopy Club with special guest Tim Fite. Obviously, if you know me, I was super excited and did not delay one bit in accepting his invitation.
So, after work (and Skyping a little bit with my darling lovie-pie) I went over to Thursdays at Ryon for the first time in a long time. Since I was no longer really having too many problems with anyone, I figured that it would be a good time to test the waters. I was so glad I went. The food was absolutely delicious and amazing. Sam made mini chicken/bacon/green pepper/onion skewers, Jenn made biscuits that tasted identical to the biscuits at Red Lobster, and Uhl made homemade apple sauce. Everything was super delicious. I haven't had such good apple sauce since I used to eat it at Grandma Eberheart's place.
Before the movie started up, Ryon and I left and walked over to the Canopy Club. I had already bought tickets online and printed them out, but Ryon still needed to get tickets at the door. In retrospect, I should have bought them at the door as well, but I prefer to be prepared, even at extra cost.
The show was supposed to start at 9:30, but didn't atually start until closer to 10-10:30. Tim Fite was the first on stage and Ryon and I got close up to the front to watch and actually become part of the show. It was really amazing. The songs inspired insanity and were fun and catchy and the images helped me think of plot for my tabletop game. If you ever get the chance to see Tim Fite in concert, do it. I bought one of his cds, but the music really isn't anything terribly special without the entire experience which is completely worth the cost and trouble of going out to see him.
Man Man, however, was not as good. The music was energetic and really got me moving, but it was overcomplicated and much too loud, turning it into indistinguishable noise which is unfortunate, considering how interesting their instruments are. Seriously, that was the most instruments I've ever seen played at once by five or six people.
After the concert, Ryon and I stumbled back to his place and we found delicious pie that was made by Colleen. Exhausted as I was, I decided to stay, have a piece of pie, and watch a little Bullshit before walking back to my place even though it was already 1:30 in the morning. (I'm glad I stayed because I got out to Lincoln just in time to catch my bus.)
Friday was Larp and it was one of the most disappointing Larps of this year. Up until this point, they had been very good and I felt really involved. This Friday's Larp just seemed to drag on and on without me able to pursue any of my own plots.
Going to Steak n Shake afterwards was really good though. I sat with Lee, Amish Jon, and Jenn and bitched about certain things going on in the Larp. It was really cathartic and I'm really feeling much more like part of the group again.
Saturday, I started out the day with the single intent to do nothing but sit on my ass and play Disgaea. This did not last, however. Renny was feeling less than well, so we talked for a little while and while we were doing so, I got a surprising IM from Uhl, asking me if I wanted to get lunch so that she could extend an olive branch. I had already eaten, but was eager to make peace with Uhl one way or another and knew I shouldn't pass up this opportunity, so I apologized to Renny and went off and got dressed up spiffy as possible to go meet with Uhl for lunch.
She picked me up around 2 and we went over to the mall to have Panda Express. For the mostpart, the conversation went really well as we had small talk and talked a lot about work and such. Toward the end of the conversation though, she brought up the situation with Zack, just as I had expected her to. I did my best to explain things truthfully while not offending her or making her mad at Zack or I. Trust me, that was one exercise in knife dancing that I'd rather not have to do again. Even so, I think I came out okay.
After that, I went home and skyped a little more with Renny to see how she was feeling and to let her know that things were better here than what they have been for a long time. Renny then decided that she should be good and rest up some, so I went back to playing Disgaea a little. I swear that i didn't get more than a half-hour in before Lynley and Jaden came home and we all went out to Arby's then the Metagamers meeting.
The Metagamers meeting plus game night was long and trying. There is this guy who plays games with us named Carl who I want to beat up more often than not. I dislike him more than stuko at my work, and that says a lot. He really brings down the fun of games to close to nothing.
I met some of Matt Wetherbee's friends and had a long, fucked up conversation with one of them where I was trying to look entertained and attentive while my insides were screaming. A while into our conversation, the Carpé Noctem social group came in with sandwiches from Fats. (Yes, they are as disgustingly compiled as they sound. Just thinking about them makes me want to vomit.)
Well, Matt Delingher called me over after a bit and we discussed things about larp and such like that, another thing that made me feel so much more integrated in the group than I have in a super long time. Talking about the Larp was so much more entertaining than being in the Larp this past Friday. At least while talking about it, you don't have to wait around for an ST.
Zack came down from his Call of Cthulu game and we talked a little bit about things and I made sure he got how serious I was about the special instructions that I gave him. A little while later, Lynley and her group that was playing games decided that it was time to go to Steak n Shake, but Jenn and Ryon pulled me off to the side of the room before I got a chance to go and inquired about the lunch with Uhl. I'm glad they did because it shows that someone knows what sort of position I'm in and actually understands what's going on for once. After feeling like the bad guy all of the time, it was nice to see people trusting me and concerned about me.
I told them that everything was cool and gave Jenn a quick breakdown on what I told Uhl regarding Zack as well as the background behind it all that I knew at the time. She seemed to understand and agree with me that Zack had problems with women and that it was wise to discourage the romantic interest of Uhl because it would be dangerous for the both of them (not to mention the rest of it if it blew up in a similar way to other situations.)
Minus the Carpé Noctem group, we all went over to Steak n Shake just to find it all packed by what I believe to be the Korean Church Group. We decided to not push our luck or to burden the sole waitress and went over to Perkin's instead where we were treated very special, du to our frequency of visits.
Uhl showed up after we had been waiting for a hort while and it was negotiated purely by luck for her to sit across from Zack and I. I was worried, but also pleased that it happened as it allowed me to prove without trying that neither Zack nor I had any ill will towards her and that Zack was not intentionally ignoring her whatsoever. The conversation went extremely well, so I have a feeling that things are much better now. It is still possible that Uhl's paranoia will cause her to think that I put Zack up to being nice to her (which isn't too far from reality, with one important difference; I was checking to make sure that Zack wasn't ignoring her, not asking him to be nice to her), but that's not too horrible of a thing to be accused of.
Today, I actually managed to spend a good portion of the day in bed before having to get up and do some chores and help with lunch. By the time I finished all of that, it was pretty much time for work, but Lynley let me borrow her car tonight, so I didn't mind.
All in all, it's been a pretty crazy weekend, doing crazy social gymnastics. I can't wait to see the fun we will have next weekend when Katie comes into town. Will we be able to survive the weekend if we happen to be in one another's presence? Will we have another one of our Big Talks? Will the War between us rage stronger or will we come to a temporary truce?
Check out next week's episode of Ishmael's Dance, "War Dance" for all, some, or maybe none of these answers and more!
Wednesday night, just as I had crawled into bed, Ryon texted me an invite to go to the Man Man show at the Canopy Club with special guest Tim Fite. Obviously, if you know me, I was super excited and did not delay one bit in accepting his invitation.
So, after work (and Skyping a little bit with my darling lovie-pie) I went over to Thursdays at Ryon for the first time in a long time. Since I was no longer really having too many problems with anyone, I figured that it would be a good time to test the waters. I was so glad I went. The food was absolutely delicious and amazing. Sam made mini chicken/bacon/green pepper/onion skewers, Jenn made biscuits that tasted identical to the biscuits at Red Lobster, and Uhl made homemade apple sauce. Everything was super delicious. I haven't had such good apple sauce since I used to eat it at Grandma Eberheart's place.
Before the movie started up, Ryon and I left and walked over to the Canopy Club. I had already bought tickets online and printed them out, but Ryon still needed to get tickets at the door. In retrospect, I should have bought them at the door as well, but I prefer to be prepared, even at extra cost.
The show was supposed to start at 9:30, but didn't atually start until closer to 10-10:30. Tim Fite was the first on stage and Ryon and I got close up to the front to watch and actually become part of the show. It was really amazing. The songs inspired insanity and were fun and catchy and the images helped me think of plot for my tabletop game. If you ever get the chance to see Tim Fite in concert, do it. I bought one of his cds, but the music really isn't anything terribly special without the entire experience which is completely worth the cost and trouble of going out to see him.
Man Man, however, was not as good. The music was energetic and really got me moving, but it was overcomplicated and much too loud, turning it into indistinguishable noise which is unfortunate, considering how interesting their instruments are. Seriously, that was the most instruments I've ever seen played at once by five or six people.
After the concert, Ryon and I stumbled back to his place and we found delicious pie that was made by Colleen. Exhausted as I was, I decided to stay, have a piece of pie, and watch a little Bullshit before walking back to my place even though it was already 1:30 in the morning. (I'm glad I stayed because I got out to Lincoln just in time to catch my bus.)
Friday was Larp and it was one of the most disappointing Larps of this year. Up until this point, they had been very good and I felt really involved. This Friday's Larp just seemed to drag on and on without me able to pursue any of my own plots.
Going to Steak n Shake afterwards was really good though. I sat with Lee, Amish Jon, and Jenn and bitched about certain things going on in the Larp. It was really cathartic and I'm really feeling much more like part of the group again.
Saturday, I started out the day with the single intent to do nothing but sit on my ass and play Disgaea. This did not last, however. Renny was feeling less than well, so we talked for a little while and while we were doing so, I got a surprising IM from Uhl, asking me if I wanted to get lunch so that she could extend an olive branch. I had already eaten, but was eager to make peace with Uhl one way or another and knew I shouldn't pass up this opportunity, so I apologized to Renny and went off and got dressed up spiffy as possible to go meet with Uhl for lunch.
She picked me up around 2 and we went over to the mall to have Panda Express. For the mostpart, the conversation went really well as we had small talk and talked a lot about work and such. Toward the end of the conversation though, she brought up the situation with Zack, just as I had expected her to. I did my best to explain things truthfully while not offending her or making her mad at Zack or I. Trust me, that was one exercise in knife dancing that I'd rather not have to do again. Even so, I think I came out okay.
After that, I went home and skyped a little more with Renny to see how she was feeling and to let her know that things were better here than what they have been for a long time. Renny then decided that she should be good and rest up some, so I went back to playing Disgaea a little. I swear that i didn't get more than a half-hour in before Lynley and Jaden came home and we all went out to Arby's then the Metagamers meeting.
The Metagamers meeting plus game night was long and trying. There is this guy who plays games with us named Carl who I want to beat up more often than not. I dislike him more than stuko at my work, and that says a lot. He really brings down the fun of games to close to nothing.
I met some of Matt Wetherbee's friends and had a long, fucked up conversation with one of them where I was trying to look entertained and attentive while my insides were screaming. A while into our conversation, the Carpé Noctem social group came in with sandwiches from Fats. (Yes, they are as disgustingly compiled as they sound. Just thinking about them makes me want to vomit.)
Well, Matt Delingher called me over after a bit and we discussed things about larp and such like that, another thing that made me feel so much more integrated in the group than I have in a super long time. Talking about the Larp was so much more entertaining than being in the Larp this past Friday. At least while talking about it, you don't have to wait around for an ST.
Zack came down from his Call of Cthulu game and we talked a little bit about things and I made sure he got how serious I was about the special instructions that I gave him. A little while later, Lynley and her group that was playing games decided that it was time to go to Steak n Shake, but Jenn and Ryon pulled me off to the side of the room before I got a chance to go and inquired about the lunch with Uhl. I'm glad they did because it shows that someone knows what sort of position I'm in and actually understands what's going on for once. After feeling like the bad guy all of the time, it was nice to see people trusting me and concerned about me.
I told them that everything was cool and gave Jenn a quick breakdown on what I told Uhl regarding Zack as well as the background behind it all that I knew at the time. She seemed to understand and agree with me that Zack had problems with women and that it was wise to discourage the romantic interest of Uhl because it would be dangerous for the both of them (not to mention the rest of it if it blew up in a similar way to other situations.)
Minus the Carpé Noctem group, we all went over to Steak n Shake just to find it all packed by what I believe to be the Korean Church Group. We decided to not push our luck or to burden the sole waitress and went over to Perkin's instead where we were treated very special, du to our frequency of visits.
Uhl showed up after we had been waiting for a hort while and it was negotiated purely by luck for her to sit across from Zack and I. I was worried, but also pleased that it happened as it allowed me to prove without trying that neither Zack nor I had any ill will towards her and that Zack was not intentionally ignoring her whatsoever. The conversation went extremely well, so I have a feeling that things are much better now. It is still possible that Uhl's paranoia will cause her to think that I put Zack up to being nice to her (which isn't too far from reality, with one important difference; I was checking to make sure that Zack wasn't ignoring her, not asking him to be nice to her), but that's not too horrible of a thing to be accused of.
Today, I actually managed to spend a good portion of the day in bed before having to get up and do some chores and help with lunch. By the time I finished all of that, it was pretty much time for work, but Lynley let me borrow her car tonight, so I didn't mind.
All in all, it's been a pretty crazy weekend, doing crazy social gymnastics. I can't wait to see the fun we will have next weekend when Katie comes into town. Will we be able to survive the weekend if we happen to be in one another's presence? Will we have another one of our Big Talks? Will the War between us rage stronger or will we come to a temporary truce?
Check out next week's episode of Ishmael's Dance, "War Dance" for all, some, or maybe none of these answers and more!
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