Mood Swings

I've been having mood swings today like all crazy. This morning started out as the most wonderful, beautiful morning in as many days since Renny's been gone and I was all bright and cheerful, but without warning or even the slightest trigger, I quickly shifted through several stages of paranoia, depression, and despair. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I know one thing - I can't trust my emotions today.

Sinking Deeper into Madness

I think I'm sinking deeper into madness. Fortunately, unlike years part in which I have been a detriment not only to myself, but society in general, I feel that this madness is almost a blessing. It used to be that when confronted with a situation such as I am in now (being without an intimate lover, at least in locational terms) I would start off in a panic and then have an extreme need for contact, creating a primal lust inside me that would nearly tear myself apart. I don't feel that now. Instead of feeling panicked, I feel calm. The only reason that I know that I am still descending into madness is the feelings of my thought processes being all fucked up. I am more passionate than usual, but about random things. My mind makes connections between completely unrelated things and draws out elaborate webs of connections (which seem for the most part to be accurate). I feel like my mind is full of static like a television attuned to no station in particular and every so often, an image pops into my head, telling me what I need to be doing next. For the most part, I don't have a complete and logical reason for the things that I am compelled to do, but I do them anyway. So far, this has worked out pretty well and circumvented a number of disasters. I guess I can't complain.