I've been quiet lately, but not for a lack of doing things. Actually, quite the opposite, which is the problem. I had an exam in my Western Civ History class Tuesday morning and a paper due in my Philosophy 380 class today. I would leave it at that and allow you to think that means I've been really busy, but that'd be a downright lie. Instead of studying and writing my paper like I should have been, I've allowed the stress of the combined exam and paper to shut me down mentally and I've procrastinated to no end, not able to get motivated about really anything.
However, I got even more practice with my techniques through the miracle of Facebook. Davidson convinced me that I should grow some balls and finally contact Sam after not talking to her for three or so years. I thought she hated me for the things that happened the summer after High School and I especially didn't want to upset her after Brandon died.
Well, I finally decided to post a generic wall post asking her how things were and I was pleasantly surprised to find myself wrapped up in a wall conversation with her. For two or three days straight, our news feeds were saturated with each others' wall posts and it was really nice. I was pleased to find out that she indeed did not hate me and I was silly for thinking that she did in the first place. We talked about school and life and most of all about relationships, all the while while I was practicing the essential technique of shutting the hell up (or at talking as little as possible to keep the conversation going and not kill it immediately.)
I talked to my cousin about possibly creating a school in which to teach these techniques, a Brotherhood of sorts. Surprisingly (though not surprising in retrospect), he was violently opposed to such an idea. He said that if I ever revealed these techniques to anyone, there would be trouble. I wasn't sure if I should take that as a veiled threat or if he was speaking about the competition we would have for women then, so I just felt it was safer to assume both.
He's right, of course, it would provide for more competition for us. I disagree, however, that it would be a bad thing. This shows the essential differences in our philosophies. I believe that the reason I am trying to excell at romance is to make it more of a challenge for other men by raising women's expectations. I am hoping that by doing this, the standard of romance will rise and it will become something treasured as it should be. In that respect, I want to teach other men how to treat women better so that I can raise the playing field more efficiently. I guess that I'm hoping that in turn, women will treat men with more respect as they are respected more and the whole of the human race will become better. I know, they're stupidly grand and disillusioned ideas, but I just can't help myself. I think that he sees it as a threat, but i'm not sure why. I don't know anyone who's had as much success with women (if you can call it that) as him.
I guess I'll find out one day. For now though, I'll keep my mouth shut.
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Philosophers' Experiment - Unexpected Practice
So, I ran into Charitee as I was waiting for the bus to come home after work. For those of you who don't know her, she's the Student Senate member who spend six hours in the HelpDesk during one day in the summer where I showed her how to transfer files from one computer to another using a flash drive. Yeah....
I didn't really want to talk to her as I had just gotten off of work, but I also didn't want to be an impolite douche, so I decided to try and make a little small talk when she approached me. Then it dawned on me, this was the perfect opportunity to practice my technique. There wouldn't be much of a challenge, but the stakes were little to none and practice is practice.
So I let her talk about herself and prompt her with questions as she does to keep drawing more out of her. I interspersed the conversation with well placed quips when there was a pause or when she asked me a question, but other than that, I said nothing. I gave the minimum of information while still being interesting. The result? Well, the conversation lasted for a little while as we got on the bus together and traveled up towards University. By Springfield, I thought I had her about ready to bust a gut. By the way she was responding, I could tell that I had her practically wrapped around my finger.
Of course, this isn't saying much, considering, but practice is practice and I was still heartened by her warm reaction. Maybe there's hope for me yet.
I didn't really want to talk to her as I had just gotten off of work, but I also didn't want to be an impolite douche, so I decided to try and make a little small talk when she approached me. Then it dawned on me, this was the perfect opportunity to practice my technique. There wouldn't be much of a challenge, but the stakes were little to none and practice is practice.
So I let her talk about herself and prompt her with questions as she does to keep drawing more out of her. I interspersed the conversation with well placed quips when there was a pause or when she asked me a question, but other than that, I said nothing. I gave the minimum of information while still being interesting. The result? Well, the conversation lasted for a little while as we got on the bus together and traveled up towards University. By Springfield, I thought I had her about ready to bust a gut. By the way she was responding, I could tell that I had her practically wrapped around my finger.
Of course, this isn't saying much, considering, but practice is practice and I was still heartened by her warm reaction. Maybe there's hope for me yet.
Philosopher's Experiment - Fatal Flaws
After I made the first step in my experiment, it occurred to me that I had overlooked a fatal flaw in the experiment's design. The personality of the intended target is such that if you get on her bad side at all, you disappear from existence in her mind. It is as if you no longer exist and really never existed in the first place. When forced to acknowledge your existence by engaging her in conversation or by someone else referring to you directly in conversation, she recognizes your existence only marginally - to the minimum extent that it takes to remove you again from existence. I do not think she does this intentionally or maliciously, but as a defense mechanism to deal with stressful and possibly confrontational situations.
What does this mean for me? Well, it means that I picked possibly the worst possible mark for my experiment. Unless I can get her to acknowledge my existence at all, the entire experiment fails right off the bat. However, in order to get her to acknowledge my existence, we would have to be on neutral terms again, therefore effectively undermining the more grand scheme of the experiment.
However, all is not lost. If by using the conventions of the experiment, I can get her from being hostile to neutral, it will still be a success. Unfortunately, that is likely to take several months and I'm not even sure where to begin my work. Therefore, I think a change of goals may be in order. I will not give up on this task, but let it sit on the back burner for now. I think it may be a more important task to hone my approach in the first place. There are quite a few females in the group who are either neutral towards me or have only marginal positive feelings for me. I know that not talking about myself has become very difficult over the past few years (probably stemming from some internal social anxiety to do with unfamiliar territory and the need to feel like I relate to those I talk to.) Some practice speaking only of myself in order to prompt more information from the mark might be in order.
Edit: Decided to try applying this process to an old friend of mine who I haven't talked to in nearly forever, imitating what it would be like to start this process from the beginning. If I can see how it is supposed to run, I should be able to replicate the process in different situations.
Don't ever say I'm no Scientist.
What does this mean for me? Well, it means that I picked possibly the worst possible mark for my experiment. Unless I can get her to acknowledge my existence at all, the entire experiment fails right off the bat. However, in order to get her to acknowledge my existence, we would have to be on neutral terms again, therefore effectively undermining the more grand scheme of the experiment.
However, all is not lost. If by using the conventions of the experiment, I can get her from being hostile to neutral, it will still be a success. Unfortunately, that is likely to take several months and I'm not even sure where to begin my work. Therefore, I think a change of goals may be in order. I will not give up on this task, but let it sit on the back burner for now. I think it may be a more important task to hone my approach in the first place. There are quite a few females in the group who are either neutral towards me or have only marginal positive feelings for me. I know that not talking about myself has become very difficult over the past few years (probably stemming from some internal social anxiety to do with unfamiliar territory and the need to feel like I relate to those I talk to.) Some practice speaking only of myself in order to prompt more information from the mark might be in order.
Edit: Decided to try applying this process to an old friend of mine who I haven't talked to in nearly forever, imitating what it would be like to start this process from the beginning. If I can see how it is supposed to run, I should be able to replicate the process in different situations.
Don't ever say I'm no Scientist.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Philosophers' Experiment
My cousin and I are both philosophers, taking the time to analyze and think about the world around us. We have both been able to make great strides in the world of thought and I'm starting to realize that most of that is because of the unique relationship we have with one another.
We were raised separately, him in Maryland and me in Illinois, but we have a connection that I've seen rarely between anyone other than siblings. We think alike, we act alike, we even believe similarly. We have had very different experiences though, giving us very special traits - him, being able to pick up a woman as if it was absolutely nothing; me, being able to keep a relationship going as of I am an expert mechanic working on my favorite car. These different experiences have given us gaps in our philosophies, gaps that we tend to cover for each other.
He IMed me this evening, asking if I had a minute to talk. I had nothing going on, so I said sure. He told me about a serious relationship that he had before which he never told anyone else about before and how it led him down the path of womanizing. I finally understood exactly what compelled him forth.
Our conversation didn't end there though. Not much of it was exciting or important, so I will gloss over it, but eventually we came to a point where we analyzed each others' strengths and our own weaknesses. He told me that he was envious that I could keep a relationship with a woman and turn it into something meaningful because I had patience and persistence. I told him that it wasn't worth much if I didn't have the ability to pick women up in the first place. After all, not being able to pick women up is what led me to relationships and flings like the ones I have had in the past. Even my current beautiful one was more luck than ability.
We talked about this failing of mine for a while and compared it to the ending gays of high school, when I had no problem what-so-ever. What had changed in that short of a time, we asked. I came up with the conclusion that it was because I was quiet and brooding then and had become less so now. We talked about it some more and it was quickly apparent that I was only partly right. It wasn't because I was quiet and brooding; it was simply because I was quiet.
In all of my confusion and annoyance at not being able to attract women, I had forgotten the elemental basics of romance. Rule #1: Let the woman talk about herself. This explained exactly why I was thought as crazy and creepy by so many people, I spoke honestly about myself instead of just listening and offering my understanding to other people.
We discussed a strategy that the both of us had come up with on our own for picking up women (walking up, complimenting them in a memorable way and walking away) and discussed what maves came after the first move. We came up with something reasonably feasible, but something was gnawing at the back of my mind. Sure, the listening approach can work on people you've never met before, but could it work with someone you had already screwed up with? Could it work on aquaintences and friends who already have heard your life story?
Neither one of us could give a concrete answer, so we decided that it would be worth a shot. I proposed an experiment to find out the answer to this. I decided to pick out someone that I wasn't exactly on good terms with (Colleen) and test out the approach. First of all, I would have to get her talking to me in general. I figured that one of the best ways to do this would be to send her a note via facebook with some small talk questions, asking her how school was doing and the like. Then, once I had established communication channels, I would try to get her to talk to be in depth about unimportant things. If I could, that would establish a pattern of her talking to me while I mostly just listened and accepted. And questions directed my way would be answered with short, but interesting and sincere answers if I could help it, emphasizing the short. After that pattern is esablished, it should be no heavy task to get her talking about things that actually are important to her, building her trust in me. If I am able to make that happen, I should be able to reach the goal of my experiment: to make a friend out of an enemy. If I can manage that, it shows great promise with the rest of the group.
Maybe, just maybe, I can stop being the weird one for a change and maybe people will start liking me.
We were raised separately, him in Maryland and me in Illinois, but we have a connection that I've seen rarely between anyone other than siblings. We think alike, we act alike, we even believe similarly. We have had very different experiences though, giving us very special traits - him, being able to pick up a woman as if it was absolutely nothing; me, being able to keep a relationship going as of I am an expert mechanic working on my favorite car. These different experiences have given us gaps in our philosophies, gaps that we tend to cover for each other.
He IMed me this evening, asking if I had a minute to talk. I had nothing going on, so I said sure. He told me about a serious relationship that he had before which he never told anyone else about before and how it led him down the path of womanizing. I finally understood exactly what compelled him forth.
Our conversation didn't end there though. Not much of it was exciting or important, so I will gloss over it, but eventually we came to a point where we analyzed each others' strengths and our own weaknesses. He told me that he was envious that I could keep a relationship with a woman and turn it into something meaningful because I had patience and persistence. I told him that it wasn't worth much if I didn't have the ability to pick women up in the first place. After all, not being able to pick women up is what led me to relationships and flings like the ones I have had in the past. Even my current beautiful one was more luck than ability.
We talked about this failing of mine for a while and compared it to the ending gays of high school, when I had no problem what-so-ever. What had changed in that short of a time, we asked. I came up with the conclusion that it was because I was quiet and brooding then and had become less so now. We talked about it some more and it was quickly apparent that I was only partly right. It wasn't because I was quiet and brooding; it was simply because I was quiet.
In all of my confusion and annoyance at not being able to attract women, I had forgotten the elemental basics of romance. Rule #1: Let the woman talk about herself. This explained exactly why I was thought as crazy and creepy by so many people, I spoke honestly about myself instead of just listening and offering my understanding to other people.
We discussed a strategy that the both of us had come up with on our own for picking up women (walking up, complimenting them in a memorable way and walking away) and discussed what maves came after the first move. We came up with something reasonably feasible, but something was gnawing at the back of my mind. Sure, the listening approach can work on people you've never met before, but could it work with someone you had already screwed up with? Could it work on aquaintences and friends who already have heard your life story?
Neither one of us could give a concrete answer, so we decided that it would be worth a shot. I proposed an experiment to find out the answer to this. I decided to pick out someone that I wasn't exactly on good terms with (Colleen) and test out the approach. First of all, I would have to get her talking to me in general. I figured that one of the best ways to do this would be to send her a note via facebook with some small talk questions, asking her how school was doing and the like. Then, once I had established communication channels, I would try to get her to talk to be in depth about unimportant things. If I could, that would establish a pattern of her talking to me while I mostly just listened and accepted. And questions directed my way would be answered with short, but interesting and sincere answers if I could help it, emphasizing the short. After that pattern is esablished, it should be no heavy task to get her talking about things that actually are important to her, building her trust in me. If I am able to make that happen, I should be able to reach the goal of my experiment: to make a friend out of an enemy. If I can manage that, it shows great promise with the rest of the group.
Maybe, just maybe, I can stop being the weird one for a change and maybe people will start liking me.
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